Fading Tradition Grays The Lines

Preface:
While I admire the photo presented, I am hardly calling for a reverse in women’s lib nor asking for any such doors to close for women (let alone anyone). I am however rather concerned with the direction things are going in with regards to the fading of traditional gender roles. I believe that those roles where created to organize our societal growth. Imagine a basketball team with 5 guys all vying for Point Guard or nobody having a position. The team would run in circles, lose focus and continually turn the ball over. What I am getting at is with non-traditional gender roles, we become the societal L.A. Clippers, losers, perpetually.

Traditional gender roles:
This was probably the greatest time in our history, this was when men were most accountable, held their positions without fail. They had supreme confidence because they knew they had their beautiful wife at home tending to business and keeping their family on track, meanwhile they would earn the money and take the whippings in order to provide for their growing family. At home time, was when dad got his chance with the kids, he got to teach his young boy what it meant to be a man in this world, his daughter how to avoid guys with Affliction shirts and low cut pure white sneakers and also the important lesson that bandanas are only meant to be worn during a bank heist. Time wasn’t wasted, Dad came home to a nice warm meal, the kids ready to sit with the family and bond and discuss their day's activities. While the wife generally didn’t work, she had plenty of household duties that were very appreciated and very necessary, in fact, in my eyes, more necessary than even the man’s paychecks. She raised the children, she spent the bulk of the meaningful time with them, she was there before school, occasionally at school and certainly there after school. Her work was invaluable to keeping this home moving in the right direction. It was a perfect unity, a perfect combination of his and hers, at least for the family’s well being and children’s sake. After all, The entire point of life was to have your family, to have your beautiful children that you can raise and mentor into hopefully a better educated more successful version of yourselves. In my view it is probably the only thing in life that I would categorize as priceless.

Of course, it was a much simpler time. Money wasn’t generated and spent the same way, things of excess were mainly reserved for those with means to obtain such things. Religion was a much bigger part of family, as were the pastimes such as father and son events, family dinners, etc. It was the time (age) that shaped arguably the most progressive generation in our world history (technology, financial innovation etc.). These were the parents who raised this generation, they were built on accountability, they fought WWII, they made the sacrifices that needed to be made and few asked any questions. This is the approach that they chose to utilize to raise this generation of innovators and for some reason (in my view originating in the 60’s movement) things started to get away from us.

I am not arguing that a women's place is in the home exactly, nor am I arguing women shouldn’t have absolutely every opportunity at the same pay as a man should have (a man of any race). While I will digress further into this post, I am simply arguing with changing times come life changing decisions, most of which come at a price or concession. I am arguing people have decided very poorly and without any comprehension of the consequences longstanding.

A new system of though:
With a more complicated global time, more progressive music and artistic expression people have more options than ever before, but did they choose the right options? In my view, they did not. Some things are inevitable, such as evolution, of both man and his ways. It is almost inarguable that due to the changes in the late 20th century economically and otherwise, that a single income home for the vast majority of people is not going to be an option. Women are going to enter the workforce like never before, many of which will find a rude welcoming from their male counterparts who had become accustomed to their original environment. While I could certainly feel their pain and agree that having to change my cultural norms within an office to fit for a couple of “newbies” to the workplace would make me rather unhappy. I cannot however argue that they shouldn’t have the right to do so, and the right to demand change in the culture. So with a few quarts of Scotch I would begin to reform my behaviors to accommodate my new staffer. From a woman’s POV I don’t know why you would want to be working if you had a choice, but I completely agree that if this is what you desire then you should be working here and as long as your performance is on pace you deserve the exact same compensation opportunities. Now we all know that for a long while this didn’t exactly carry out this way and perhaps that likely contributed to the tension we all share today.

With the new system that has 2 working parents, males still in traditional roles, some (the minority) of females in generally the same traditional roles because their out of home jobs are (unacceptably so)the same tasks as they had at home and baring for the few that were able to break through the glass ceilings (who made those by the way? Fuckers just didn’t hold up like we men were promised…). The thing is, there were just subtle differences, nothing big enough to impact the next generation but clearly a sign of evolution. This of course was much more prevalent in the city areas, most rural or Midwestern towns still used the fully traditional gender roles.

The kids wouldn’t really know the difference at first, because it was the little things; mom was still home before and after school or soon after, she still threw some dinner together, but she couldn’t be at school for daytime activities, she wasn’t on top of the household calendar or tasks like she always had been, she works late on occasion and dinner is up to dad or missed altogether or worst case, mom wasn’t even present for dinner. So while the household was still very much similar, it had its subtle changes that would give way to massive changes in the future.

The “Combo Guard”:
It was in the next generation that the biggest step to date was made in sealing the fate of traditional gender roles. This was when women made the biggest strides, understandably so too. They saw their mothers work crap jobs for crap pay and they weren’t going to stand for it this time around. They began organizing their efforts, and demanding equality. But you know what, equality can be a strange thing sometimes. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe all PEOPLE should have equality, but with it, sometimes you have to make changes that were otherwise nonissues. For instance, I think the reversal in gender roles has had an effect on divorce rates.

I am a person who believes there is blood and family then there is everyone else. I think friends are good at certain stages and to within the theme of moderation, they are great to have when you’re going out or need a favor that isn’t a kidney or something, but overall, they aren’t to be depended on nor are they fully trustworthy. In fact, the few friends I would categorize in the true friendship role are those with their own lives, independent careers and families who are there with you when they can but otherwise they have their own lives going on. The reason is that they have a clearly defined agenda that doesn’t interfere nor depend on your own. The vast majority you befriend will at one time or another have a conflict of interest or a jealous motivation. Somewhere down the line you will face off, and the one with the most ammunition wins. So in actuality the more open and “tell all” you are, the less you can trust those you surround yourself with. Similarly, when selecting a wife, you are doing much the same thing as selecting your friends. You are looking for a person of common make up and a person that is obviously attractive to you. One major difference being that you are looking to team up for life with this individual, so it is best she not be on the path of conflict with you down the road, right? Well, it’s my belief that the reversal of traditional gender roles has grayed the lines of relationship. Women of the past were never on a course of collision with men, they traveled along a different orbit as did men, as a result, they were looking to team up with a man who would provide security and companionship and in exchange, the man finds someone he can confide in (because he intelligently didn’t reveal his cards to those outside his family) his wife would become his trusted partner and bare his children. Because his trusted wife is the only person he turns to, he entrusts her with the duty of using her compassion and warmth to help properly nurture his children. Again the cycle continues, he then is the security and enforcer of the home whilst mother cares and nurtures the household. But, once you’ve grayed the lines you have put the men and women on a course of collision, because now, like the relationship of friends you have a conflict of interest. Women are fighting for the same jobs and spots as men, therefore they are sharing an agenda but set as an opposition. This brings tension to the table and an inherent mistrust by one if not both parties.

With this new modern woman, we have two people vying for the same spots some men or women, could be man and wife. All totally focused on making big dollars and getting the big promotion. It becomes very competitive and often drags both parents out of their home and while it rewards them with cash on hand, it further erodes the family from the core out. It again creates another child that will repeat what he has learned resulting in further decay of society from its value system on down. It brings both the man and the woman away from the home long enough to open up more opportunities, despite the fact their vows already have them contractually obligated to their current spouse. I am not trying to say that with gender change we bring whoring, but I do believe it doesn’t help matters. Especially when you consider the tension which has already been brought to the home, combined with the lack of face time, it certainly makes things easier to rationalize.

The repercussions:
I see children of these dysfunctional, greedy, money driven families growing up and duplicating exactly as they saw in their own home (it is undeniable that you repeat what you see at home, in most cases). Only with the expansion of technology and the decay of values and having replaced religion with science (not saying it is wrong, but it only contributes to the removal of guilt)future generations will have no moral compass. There will not be mothers to nurture their children, thus the children will be without a functional understanding on how to raise their own. There will be no accountability, people will lie, cheat and steal because dads did and then they divorced so there was no father coming home to tell his son what it means to be accountable and to keep your word at all costs. This generation resulting will not even know where to begin when it comes to family time. All they know is the flat screen talking head or slap stick mind numbing humor and an empty garage because mom and dad live utterly separate lives. They will then provide this wonderfully nurturing and educational experience to their own children. Then you add with the over exposure of everything we will see the fall of marriage all together because between the infidelity of both parties, mostly because they were utter trash and fucked everything that walked prior to marriage and are conditioned to be selfish and unaccountable like their parents, they see no good reason they shouldn’t do whatever they want now. Whereas many used to wed for financial reasons, you will see many NOT wed for financial reasons, simply too much money at stake there. But they still will have the kids, naturally, because they “WANT” them or at least they want the “idea of their own children” but once they actually have to care for it or sacrifice a night on the town dressed like some street hooker, the kid sort of doesn’t have the same luster.

I already see it in today’s generation of young parents and even some of the mid 40’s parents. It is unfathomable what the future of these kids will bring. I cannot even begin to speculate other than to say, it will just get worse. I see it all the time, couple has a kid or two then they both ship off to make that big money and toss the little annoyance onto some slutty high school girl to babysit and pollute the young child’s mind more with her ridiculously lowbrow stories and bringing over her SPED friends to toss the kid around like he is a fucking botchy ball. Mom and dad take turns watching the kid like he is the neighbor’s dog, feed him, wipe him, walk him…the same old routines. Mom comes out to take the kids to breakfast before school for the first time in months and you can tell, the kid is thrilled beyond words, you can see it in his eyes. The mom, delighted as long as the kid doesn’t get in the way of her high energy coffee, power bagel and WSJ (after all she is going to show the corporate players today!). Then her name is called, the order is up, she goes to grab the plates, only she hasn’t been a mother in years, so she grabs them all wrong, drops one, looks totally inept at being nurturing or motherly, then she forgot which was for which kid, because she wasn’t honestly listening. As she screws that up, the kids begin to bicker as youngsters often do, mom couldn’t be more annoyed with the entire thing, she just wants her coffee and power bagel. The kids don’t know it yet, but they’re more of an inconvenience than anything else, but worry not, by high school, they will know it. I can remember from my own experience as a little boy, my mother had to work, she was a teacher, so while she got to spend the summers with me, she had to leave early before I left for school myself, so I didn’t get to have breakfast with her like I would have loved to. She however, had her priorities, she WANTED a child if not a baker’s dozen. She made sure every second she was with me, that I knew it was making her day as much as it made my own. She would take every day she could to be with me and spend time together, she stayed as late as she possibly could to spend more time with her son. When she went to work, she had me on her mind until she could distract herself with the other kids and teaching, on lunch she did her papers and grading, so that when I got home, she was there waiting with no work in sight. She did it because she wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was her life, it still is her life, it will always be her life. When I went on trips or she was forced to go on vacations without her child, she cried, as did I. When I left for college, she cried, I made sure to come home as much as possible both for me and for her. We both knew that while life had a lot of fun things to do and see, it was our family that was the most important and the most entertaining and neither one of us would ever let you forget it. I remember sitting in living rooms of my friends, listening to their mothers go on about “I can’t wait till these damn kids will get out of the house” and I sat dumbfounded by it. I couldn’t understand how they felt this way, I could never say such a stupid thing. Or the parents who planned these long get always without the kids? Are you kidding me? You just left half the family behind. That is two weeks together in this short life you will never get back. With all the work and college and travel we already have, why would you volunteer such time away? It just never made sense to me. In my mind, I would ask why did you even have kids in the first place? If you feel this way you are a lousy parent. You missed the message entirely and you are greatly at fault for the current decay of societal values.

My take:
I firmly believe that the fading of traditional gender roles are a major contributor to the loss of family values and subsequent societal failure. I think that every person has the right to do what they want, but they need to understand the repercussions and make educated decisions when they do so choose. If a man wants to work and earn a living, he must find a woman who doesn’t have the same aspirations because together they are on the same orbit and will not succeed together, simple as that. To succeed doesn’t mean, not divorce, living in misery is just as bad (even though I would probably do so prior to divorce). If a woman gets out of college and decides she wants to be a career woman, that is her right and I wish her all of the best. But she had best understand that she is not suited to be a mother, unless she finds a husband that is willing to switch seats and care for the home (something, I personally would be rather uncomfortable doing). If she thinks she is going to marry the Exec at work or be with a big time dollar$ guy and she will compete to make the same dough and have children, she will be a failure as will her children and probably all of their children following.

You cannot stop evolution, but surely we can shape it and adjust to it in order to constantly be making forward progress. Take a note from our past successful generations and see what they did right vs. what others have done poorly. Use that as a tool to make better decisions. Those before who were successful were so because they understood they had to be accountable and often make sacrifices. They did so without regret, which to me is a sadly funny frame of the present time reflected against the past. In the past, our men made sacrifices without regret, now a common slogan is "To live without regrets", and it is in reference to self-serving behavior that is done without regret (zero accountability). In other words, we have gone 180 degrees in the wrong direction and it makes me just fucking disgusted. If you want to be a career woman, by all means please do, but you will have only the option of being a spouse to a career man without children (or should you decide or accidentally have a child, you or he is done working fulltime or as your main focus. If you are a career woman, your other option is to be single and mingle. Whore it up, it is of no consequence to me. Should you get knocked up, no problem at all, plenty of wanting parents cannot conceive, so we will take your child and give it to someone worthy, you are trash and your whoring ways will have already dictated as much. Same for the men, you want to work full focus and have a working wife and travel the world, great. Just don’t include children or responsibilities within that plan, because it will be a failure and continue our downward spiral. If you want to have a family and truly be a parent and raise children properly so they don’t become a bunch of pukes, please do so with foresight. If you are a woman, educate yourself in occupations that are conducive to mothering; teaching or something that will allow you to shape your schedule around your family’s or find a husband who is willing to sit in the saddle. If you want a successful marriage and family, you have to use this kind of thought in order to match up properly, not just grabbing some skank off the bar seat and taking her down the aisle where the both of you can recite promises neither of you intend to keep. Many of the societal problems we have come to accept and those that we'll see in the very near future are coming as a result of the blurring of gender roles and utter indifference towards understanding that you cannot just self-serve your entire life and think that it will result in anything other than a colossal failure. I am not trying to ruin the party but if society has decided that this is the way in which they want to conduct themselves going forward then by all means, but please do excuse me from this party.