Lunch Friday, for sure!

Preface:
This is the common little tactic used by flakey individuals (ages 19 -37, 44 - 59); whereas they make a date or plan with you, act very excited about said scheduled event, even making reference to it beforehand with an energetic “can’t wait!”, all the while having absolutely zero intention (subconsciously nor consciously) of keeping the date or plans with you. This is probably one of the most annoying and intolerable things a person can do to me.

The ‘fake date’:
This is the girl that energetically says “we should go see…” or “when are you going to ask me to…” or my personal favorite “I cannot wait until (prescheduled date)” with absolutely zero intention of “seeing…”, “Going…” or “attending…” anything at all. She is a liar. She is not accountable and therefore can never again be trusted, at all, ever. This is quite possibly the most irritating person imaginable for me, because I typically prefer my plans set in immovable stone months in advance. In fact, if it were within my capabilities, I would pull out a “life calendar” and schedule; my wedding day (preferably with a picture of who?), children’s birth date, job promotions, new home purchase, my newest car, children’s graduations, marriages, grandchildren and my eventual death. That way, there is nothing unpredictable nor unexpected that I cannot adequately prepare for and thus accommodate.

I voluntarily admit that I am not the most patient person roaming this Earth. I understand that it is a little ridiculous that I only allow a person to reschedule with me one (1) time without penalty. If however, I am asked to reschedule anything, be it business or more importantly a date more than once or if by chance I already rescheduled and then you showed up late there is a strong possibility I will immediately write you off as “worthless” or a “liability” and will no longer view you as a viable option for anything. This isn’t to say I will cut ties with you exactly, assuming you had some worthwhile contribution that made me want to gather with you in the first place, but I certainly will keep you on the shortest of strings. It is a place within my world that is almost impossible to dig yourself out of (not that you probably even care what I think).

I suppose in this regard, I just don’t understand your motivation. Is it conflict avoidance? Are you honestly not interested, but fear to reject another? If so, why drag it out so far? This makes no sense to me, on any level. Perhaps you are interested and at that very moment, ready and excited to get together, but then, when the time arrives, you simply cannot get yourself in order or you have some other option that seems more entertaining. Yet another possibility, you are simply a self-absorbed, unaccountable child that has absolutely zero understanding as to what it means to keep your word and honor your responsibilities. Yes, that sounds like a winner.

This type of behavior coming from anyone is likely to send me into a raging tailspin, but women more so than my male friends, mostly because I don’t give a shit what my friends do. I don’t have any vested interest in friends whereabouts. Women on the other hand, I am trying to forge a relationship with in order to get married and have a family, so naturally you can see how beginning a relationship on such an unfortunate note would be rather damaging. Of course, this isn’t to say when my friends pull this same bullshit, that I don’t become completely enraged, because I very much do.

The ‘for sure’:
Similar to when this occurs in the form of the ‘fake date’, the plutonic friends version heretofore referred to as the ‘for sure’ is equally frustrating, just not as impactful and thus not quite the same level of rage is attained. Very similar to the girls ‘fake date’ these friends will call you often days beforehand to confirm or to display their excitement for the upcoming weekend's plans only to either no show you or call to cancel when it is clearly beyond the acceptable cancelation notice date. Will they give you a truthful excuse (if they even were courteous enough to officially cancel)? Yes, they give you an acceptable excuse…if in fact you're completely retarded and without a logical thought in your head. If however, you practice rational thought, their excuse will be jumbled, nonsensical, and probably completely without merit. So, to re-answer that question…No. They will not give you an adequate reasoning to excuse their absence.

This often pisses me off more than the no show itself. I am well aware my posts would have you believe I am an arrogant and egotistical person, but I assure you while I am confident in my beliefs and way of life, I do not view myself as being better for it. I don’t particularly care what others think of me nor do I think they care what I think of them, for this reason, I would prefer when given a excuse for being “for sured” I would just as soon rather you told me “Larry, I found a better option than you. I’m sorry, I am not a very accountable person and I understand if you never invite me anywhere again.” Or some variation of that would suffice. Instead, I get some complete cluster-fuck of an irrational excuse for your not being accountable. This is an insult to my intelligence and now you have added yet another reason for me to be violently pissed over this entire situation, when it could have been avoided three different times (1. By simply denying my request or plans 2. Calling before the appropriate notification date to tell me you are no longer interested in our plans or 3. Actually being honorable and accountable for your actions and following through on your commitments).

Then there is the full on no show people. This is seriously amazing to me. I often sit back and attempt to rationally deconstruct these occurrences every single time somebody pulls this shit on me. First, I think to myself, what a poor, foolish creature, they cannot even remember simple things such as “be here at 1pm". Then I actually start to piece the event back together from the beginning, which is where you have to determine, did this person agree to these plans with ANY intention of keeping them? Often if you think it through, it is obvious they didn’t have a single intention to do so. However, say at the actual time the agreement took place, they did want to fulfill their responsibilities or did fully intend to honor their commitment. What then happened between point A and point B that managed to have them not only no show, but also no call, then subsequently no follow up apology for their inexcusable flakiness. In all the years I have been trying to deal with this, without resorting to violence, I have only come up with 2 possible explanations for this behavior. One possibility is a tremendous anxiety or fear of rejection, this is a person who simply cannot say no to anyone because of the possibility that they will not be viewed as cool or not be approved of. So as a result, they agree to everyone’s plans and have the intention of either no showing everyone or picking the best (rather, what would be perceived as the best option) and blowing off the remainder. Then naturally due to their fear or rejection, post incident they issue a half-assed excuse that has very little sincerity and even less logical basis, that is if they issue any statement on their own behalf at all. This is because again, their fear of rejection wouldn’t allow them to endure the suffering of being accountable for their own actions. I feel a slight bit of sympathy for this person, because really they are just a victim of their own ineptitude and they honestly mean no harm in their actions. Therefore, you must identify these people right away and implement a system to account for them, because they aren’t bad people, just sort of pathetic and unreliable. The second type is the classic liar, they cannot be trusted at all. Everything revolves around them, they want you to like them not because of a fear of rejection, but rather because they believe they potentially could need you in the future. This way they can keep you in their hip pocket, then when they need you, play sweet and be very reliable, but then once your of no immediate use, off into the darkness they go again. This person is a piece of shit. They are the people who most often make plans with you, then skip them because in their warped mind they think that by them making the initial plan, it seems more “evident” they were well intentioned (I mean honestly, who is crazy enough to make a plan with no intent on keeping it right from the beginning?). This is their calling card, they are playing a game with you and if you are blind to it, that’s your fault. This person should be responded to with equal respect, which is to say, when they finally ask for help (which they will) perhaps a recommendation or something, you don’t come through. You write, this person isn’t accountable or you simply “forget” to respond, similarly to how they “forgot” to keep their word.

My $.02:
This sort of shit always pissed me off, I recall being in grade school and kids would say they were coming over after school then they wouldn’t and I would literally go in the backyard and break something. That was as a little kid, when it was actually their parents that were our intermediaries, now, it is up to us to react accountably. After much thought on this, I concluded that this behavior actually reaches further than just a simple 'no show'. I actually think there is a definite link between the “serial no show” and the “none responsive texter”. This person is probably the exact same, you know you check your cell phone about 50 times a minute and you see every text go through, so you are telling me, you saw my text, then just ignored it? What, you planned to address it later? That makes no sense to me at all. So, similar to my “rescheduling patience” I will text you 1 time and if it isn’t addressed until hours later, I will not again text you before you have texted me, then say you neglect to respond to my text at all, I will never again text you without your having initiated the texting with me, first.

I relate this behavior to that of the no show, because in a way, it displays identical behavioral tendencies. Clearly you aren’t capable of maintaining communication levels adequate enough to carry on a worthwhile relationship with another. Thus, you are to be marginalized and shortly thereafter disposed of for all intensive purposes. Which leads to my favorite line of excuses…

When people recognize that they have been revealed and that you are on to them, they come up with the greatest excuses and apologies to try and fool you into re-inviting them into your life. Unfortunately, I hold grudges and I like it that way. I don’t often issue second chance passes and for that reason, I have almost no baggage and complete control of my surroundings at all times. This doesn’t mean I don’t listen to the excuses, I always hear it out, because they are generally so entertaining and irrational that it provides me with humor (after all, if the person doesn’t provide you with consistent accountability, the least they can do is make me laugh). So, I hear them out, however stupid and ridiculous they may sound, then generally dismiss them as worthy companions almost in the same moment of thought.

Lastly, the reason, I am so hardlined about this policy is that I personally have been witness to some rather ridiculous occurrences and still managed to maintain communication with those who I was supposed to. For example, how am I supposed to react when a person (date or friend – while noting, I could give a shit what the friend is actually doing) says “I’ll text you later tonight” then they don’t, then they say “well, I am going to the lake for the weekend” or “a friends party” or whatever else and they say either they will regularly text you or call you on occasions to keep up or to set up plans upon their return…and you neither hear from them via text or call. Now, keep in mind, I would personally see to it that you received your regular text not 2 minutes before or after the times I told you I would deliver it, and likely I would call you that evening or morning or both depending on the relationship. That said, you didn’t hear from them at all so naturally a dipshit would make excuses for them “they didn’t have service, their phone died, they were too busy, they were in a loud place and didn’t check their phone, Etc.”. My response, buuuuuuuuuullSHIT! All of those excuses are completely unacceptable, simple truth, they put they before you OR they simply aren’t accountable people, therefore, I make roster cuts. Reasoning for such beliefs; 3 examples of situations I have been in where I maintained communication. (i) I was in Bumfuck, Iowa and had zero service on my cell phone, so, I wrote the number down, went to a person I was familiar with and asked “I have no service here, would you mind if used your phone for a few moments.” Person obliged me and problem was solved. (ii) I have a history of breaking my cell phone. I also don’t remember peoples phone numbers on account of just clicking their speed dial or name, so it could be somewhat difficult. I was put into this position when telling a girl I would call her later in the evening, obviously not wanting to blow her off nor make a bad impression, I decided to find someone with my same carrier and use their phone with my sim card, which then brought all of my contact info as well as my recognized phone number up and BAM! I was able to call her and make arrangements exactly as I had promised. (iii) most extreme case of contacting a person under duress; I had told my mother I would text her when I returned home; only the problem was, I got drunk, my friends left with my car (including my wallet) and I got into a fight that included exchanging hits to the face and subsequently, I broke my phone in my defense. Drunk, somewhat concussed, without a phone, without a wallet and in a mild snow storm (wearing just a bloody T-shirt) I managed to find a taxi ride home, emailed my mother to tell her I was okay and without a phone, then by noon the following day, I had found my car, wallet, purchased a new phone and sim card and was back in business as if nothing had happened at all. So within 8-10 hours, I went from, no car, no wallet, no phone, drunk & concussed to sober, in my car, with my wallet, a new phone and a new sim card carrying my same number and contacts!

So please don’t try to tell me you couldn’t find time or manage to contact me with your whereabouts or ETA, you unaccountable son of a bitch!