Are you the prick that...

Preface:
There exists out a person who is so ridiculously self absorbed that they completely abuse every "common utility" known to man. I am here to find this son of a bitch and call his or her ass out!

The "Drinking Fountain Spitter":
You know what I am talking about. You walk up thirsty as hell and you look down only to see a big nasty loogie drying in the bowl. Utterly disgusting! Every other day I walk up to my office "bubbler" to you out of stater(s), and there is a nasty wad in bowl. I have pretty much narrowed it down to about two possibilities; this fat bastard who just looks lazy as shit, the kind of person who is so completely out of shape and ambition that he just no longer gives a shit what anyone thinks of him or this complete prick with a slickback hair cut, a rather sizable skin blemish on his face & a 7 Series BMW in the garage. He is about the most self absorbed person I have met in recent memory, which is surprising considering the sizable skin blemish on his face. I would be rather unassuming if I had such a huge strawberry on my face, but not him, no sir.

One of these days I am going to just camp out there until I see either of these assholes load up for the spit and then I am going to burst out and just verbally abuse them until either I am satisfied or the police are phoned (totally worth a trip to the 5-0). Problem is, results totally depend on the perpetrator , because the lazy man will likely not even care that I am screaming at him, he will probably just spit & walk away (despite having some dribble hanging off his fat lip until he eats again because that’s the sort of lazy fucker this guy is). The other guy will just lie and say it wasn’t him, because he looks like the type of sleazy prick that would walk out of a whore house into the hands of his wife and tell her “Naw honey, I just go up there to read the articles” and she buys his bullshit (mostly because of his slickback). So what good is it to even bother trying to stop and hastle these bastards? I’ll tell you. Because it just doesn’t end with the water fountain, these are the same type of people that piss all over the rim of the toilet seat and walk away, the same guy that farts in public areas or undresses your girlfriend with his eyes right in front of you. These are the pieces of shit that need to be stopped. So I am saying, if I catch this fucker in the act, I may be obligated to either go downstairs and ram a Philips head screw driver into his whitewalls or in the very least verbally assault him and maybe even piss on his office welcome mat.

I’m just saying this aggression will not stand!