The American Sports Fan: Story of a Superiority Complex

Preface:
Each day I hear at least one person go off on a rant about a sports team, player or affiliate and I ask myself, why am I even listening to you? I wonder if the typical fan has any clue what they are talking about? I know the answer is no. But, I want to know if ‘they’ know they don’t know shit about what they obsess over. I wanted to get across the message that they rarely understand the athlete that they so blindly support in success and so maliciously attack in failure. I wanted to show the agenda of the teams they so deeply love and are so loyal to. Do they know that the team isn’t very loyal to them? Or anyone, for that matter? I am sick of these talking heads on TV or the radio who have almost zero experience in the subjects they so passionately comment on. This entire society has just turned into one big paparazzi van. We watch our athletes like we do our entertainers. In fact, I would argue there is little difference between them.

The Athlete:
I am just a man. I am mortal, though at times my physical strengths can make me appear anything but. I am human and I make the same mistakes as you. Actually, I have the propensity to make even more mistakes because the pressure cooker that I have called my life since the day I turned 14 is immensely more chaotic than anything you can imagine. I have been valued in dollars and cents since I got to high school and I can name how much people say I am worth, can you?

Since I was a child, I was always the best, the fastest, the strongest. I was the #1 pick at recess, the #1 pick after school, I was never “it” in tag and you all wanted to be my friend. In high school, I was Mr. Popular, even though I really didn’t know what that meant or why. I always dated the girls you liked and I didn’t even try to. I often was given a break on school work because of the effort I put in on the field. I know this had to bother you. I know if you got to start over me on the field when I know you didn’t do the work, I’d be pissed too. The thing is though, I didn’t choose any of this. I didn’t ask for any of this. I was just being me, doing what I do. Most of the time, I felt uncomfortable around you and for the longest time, I didn’t even know why.

When I went to college, I got to pick my school and I got into a school you couldn’t despite your academics being far stronger than my own. I was cheered when I arrived, while you bartered for friendships, you had to join a fraternity to find loyalty, I was given an entire student section just for showing up. The girls you chased and held in high regard, were the same girls that threw their morals and your regard onto my bedroom floor, and I didn’t even as much as ask them their names. I went to class in some cases, I didn’t in others, I often was out late and wasn’t asked what I was doing or why my essay looked so much like the kid behind me’s. I was given a tutor for tests and nobody ever asked me “How was class” or “What is your GPA”. I was granted these rights because of what I could eventually do on Sunday. Ironically, A day that typically doesn’t even hold classes. This is who I am, who I have become, and I never asked for it.

The time has come to actualize that value that was placed on my head at 14. It’s draft day, this is where a bunch of professional teams (whose profit gains are linked to where you decided to reside) will joust and position for a chance to select me to join their team (and marketing scheme). I am 21 years old and before I do a single thing, before I score a point or shoot a commercial I am going to be worth more money than you will make in a lifetime. You went to college and read 50 books and wrote a million papers, all in preparation, to give you a chance to earn a fair living. All I needed to learn was “sign on the line which is dotted”. I am a millionaire and my dream has come true, I am now forever known as a professional athlete. My team is going to put me on the billboard and in the program and you are going to buy all my jerseys. You are going to hang my jersey on your young son, without knowing anything about me. Fact of the matter is, I don’t even know that much about me.

They say failure tests character and if that is so, I am in for a real awakening. I have rarely failed, in fact, I have rarely even tried. I was the biggest and fastest since I could remember. People gave me everything without my even having to ask. Naturally, I have acquired a sense of entitlement, wouldn’t you?

Eventually, it just becomes a matter of “Pavlov’s dog”, I ring the bell and people answer. I never had to learn or develop the parts of my personality that you did. I didn’t have to develope realtionship skills or "people skills", because everyone I knew was doing everything I wanted. I didn’t have to learn how to treat a lady, because they bypassed chivalry for a chance to say they 'fucked a winner'. I never had to deal with a coach or someone that was going to scream at me like your employer might you, because despite the title, their jobs depended on me, not the other way around.

Contrarily, you never had to have the pressure of knowing millions of dollars were at stake every time you laced it up. You didn’t have tens-of-thousands of people pay top dollar to see you perform, you didn’t have to carry grown men's careers on your back. I had all of this before I turned 20, what did you do at 20? Beer bongs? Drive dad’s sports car?

As I develop my game and stand in the shadows on my new team, their marketing gurus are up in the high offices locked away in a think tank trying to figure out the best way to capitalize on their new investment, which is me. The people are thinking and evaluating my past and my personality to devise the best way to present me to the fans, to the media, to the league. They know what will sell and what won’t. They also know that I am not overly educated and that I am also a little bit in awe of my surroundings, I am impressionable and easily molded, which is why now is the time. They will saddle me up at camp with the guys they think I can best learn from, on and off the court. They will treat me in certain ways (often not any reflection of what they truly think of me) because they are trying to mold me into their marketing design. The design that will make the most money. A design the fans will love. I really wasn’t even told what that design was, I basically just lived my life as I would and occasionally obliged the powers that be with some social appearances. I would go to schools or hospitals and sign autographs because my GM or agent asked me to (or paid me to).

Let me ask you something, when you were 21, did you go visit hospitals? Did you go read to inner city kids? Or serve the homeless some soup? I am just wondering if it came natural to you at that age?

It’s a funny thing, because I recently read a blog about somebody in the NFL that no-showed a ball signing for kids and I thought ‘ya, that’s pretty unaccountable…but what was his reason?’ then I read further into the comments and saw people just gutting him. I mean ruthlessly accusing him of being a spoiled overpaid athlete with too much money and too much this and not enough that…and I thought to myself, I wonder if those people know how much money people have made off of me in my life? Just how many times I have gone through pain and not sleeping so my team could win and my coach would then be rewarded with a big pay raise? Or how many students applied to my University because they grew up watching me and my former teammates run up the score on conference rivals? Do I still not deserve my money? Am I still overpaid? Am I spoiled? Maybe. Maybe not, and you don’t even know me. The bottom line here is, I am a businessman in a multi-billion dollar business. The stakes for me are equal to the stakes of Harvard MBA types vying for Fortune 500 x/o jobs. It’s just big business and the people in the know, play. Those who aren’t, don’t and won’t ever understand the difference. I was a Communications major and I barely attended those classes (Yeah, I know my loss) and we are talking about million dollar decisions. So I hired the best agent I could and I listen to every word he tells me. He has an MBA from Stanford, a JD from Northwestern, and years of experience, so if anybody would know how to maximize my profitability its him.

My agent told me to keep my nose clean, to project myself as educated and articulate. He told me that the people in my new town are loyal but they are mostly upper class white folks and they really don’t take too well to ignorance or thugish behavior. He told me always wear a tie and when I go out to make sure I don’t mix up with thugs or people that would make me look like I’m low rent. Of course, I figured all of these things but I have never been part of the world I am trying to appeal to and the thing is, I don’t really understand all of the marketing terms or plans they keep throwing at me. They have me dressing in clothes I’ve never worn before and they have me in shoots for magazines I’ve never read and they keep telling me “I am gonna be a star”. Whatever that means? I just want to play ball. The thing about all of this you need to understand is; I get paid a lot for my skills and my physical attributes, I get paid $0.00 for my thoughts and $0.00 for my feelings. For my appearance and my “winning personality” I signed multiple endorsement deals for a millions of dollars (thanks to my agents long standing relationship with Nike and Coca Cola). But what you don’t understand is; even my sponsors didn’t know me when we signed on, they knew my agent. Furthermore, there is such a thing as bottom-line-profit and in order for Nike to pay me millions they had to see my investment as something worth perhaps tens-of-millions. Meaning, they have more at stake than I do in this little game. They send out teasers into the target market to determine what you people want to hear and then they sculpt me into that image. Yeah, sure, I get rich off of this deal, but to take words from Comedian Chris Rock, there is a difference between “Getting rich and being wealthy”. Nike got wealthy, I'm just rich. I am no bigger than a part of this giant machine. I am actually the lowest form in this deal. I am the muscle. I am the slave. I do the work. The team gets the rings, the owners get the profit sharing, the sponsors get the purchases, the agents get the interest, the Government gets the taxes and I get the rest.

I am just fortunate enough to understand the process, most of my peers don’t even realize that they are the tool in the game. They don’t comprehend what is going on. They get big headed and begin to spout off like they run the show, too bad they don’t know the show runs them. In Rome, the gladiators got the glory but slept in cages while the senators slept in castles. In the 1800’s the entertainers where the show but P.T. Barnum left with all the money. Now in modern entertainment – status quo - It's a zero sum game. Maybe you should think about this before you judge me or before you call me a hypocrite because you were dumb enough to buy my jersey. Maybe you should think about who I am before you anoint me the new hero to your son. I don’t owe you a public apology for anything I have done or will do. I don't owe you shit.


The Business:
We run a very organized company here. We hold assets of more than 1 billion dollars. We view ourselves as a global entity but we really our recognition is relatively centralized. We are Oz, the man behind the curtain if you will, and we like it that way. Our job is to manufacture profit, to maximize gains where ever possible.

We run a sports franchise and every few years we get a new crop of draft picks that we can label “Next.”. We will scout for talent and try to provide the best possible team to put on the field. Winning is important to us, because while some teams can lose and still clean house fiscally, we are in a market that only pays for winners. So, first we put together a contender, then we try to market and align things for profitability. We have made the playoffs the last 4 seasons and we felt we were just a young gun away from making it over the hump. This off-season we picked up a real blue chip prospect out of Texas. He is a physical specimen and he appears to have the charisma we like to see in our players. He is a work in progress both on and off the field but we feel he can be “game ready” by mid-season. Before we drafted him we did some background and found that he came from a single parent home and was not very financially stable, but we think that will only help us relate to our 3rd deck fans. He did attend most of his classes in college so we feel like he was committed and won’t be a problem in the locker room or from an attendance standpoint. We have a long standing relationship with Nike and Coca Cola so we will be running our plans for him by them to see what opportunities might be available to us.

As Nike we own a lot of subsidiary companies and are invested in a handful of complementary businesses to our own, so we see a young star in the making as a potential revenue stream over the coming years. After running a few test surveys we have determined our potential growth and are prepared to make an offer to this young man and of course continue our relationship with his sports franchise.

The first thing we need to do is design a campaign around this player, we need to discuss with the team when he will most likely begin to receive heavy playing time and if they foresee an extended playoff run. We need to make sure we market him at the right time. Obviously, there is no point in marketing him month-one if he is on the bench. So, we push him hard in the off season, then pull back the message, then when we hear he is about to start making an impact, we come out with a new side of him to lure the fans into the stadium and into our stores. We launch his website around this time with links to our own websites. Call his agents and tell them what we need his player to do. Also, tell him his cut of the profit so that we have him on board, sweeten the deal if you have to, because without his agent this guy will be no use to us.

As his agent, I accept the terms of the deal on the condition that…(all of these conditions will benefit me – and often before my player even sees a dime). I know that my client has the opportunity of a lifetime, after all, if he didn’t, why would I be here? I know that the more field time he sees, the more TV time he sees and as a result the more dollar bills he sees. I want to get the best for my client, partially because I like him and it is my job. But also, if I make him rich, I will get the chance to make many others like him rich and consequently get to make myself rich too! First thing's first, I need to get on the horn with the team owners, I can’t even begin to negotiate until I have a clue as to his projected playing time. They want him out on billboards early to sell season tickets, but without a winner they will not make their profit sharing cap. So, I need to know if he going to be paraded out all off-season then hidden on the sidelines until December? After a long talk with ownership we came to a consensus on when he will begin to get the bulk of reps, barring injury. Now, when I call the sponsors back I have a little inside info that I can sell at a premium. I can answer the question they desperately needed in order to get this campaign off and running (when?). As is customary, I negotiate my commission and percentages of sales earning, then I set the restrictions for my client.

Once the sponsorship contract is completed, I go back to the owners and tell them the deal in place, these are the incentives he must reach and this is the amount of TV/game time my client wishes to have. Naturally, I know that they too are in bed with our sponsors, so it behooves them to nod and smile and sign the agreement, otherwise they run the risk and misfortune of losing product placement in favor of other bigger shall we say “more cooperative products”. Again, as is customary, I negotiate my take first.

My player couldn’t be happier; he is signed on with major sponsors, he has a contract with plenty of achievable incentives and a guaranteed contract with his hometown team. Now all he has to do are pay me my representation rights, attorney fees, marketing fees, and a percentage of his guaranteed salary or bonuses.

Please understand, I am not a conman nor have I misrepresented my client. I negotiated my rates first (as is customary). This is what he paid for, I provided the opportunities and knowledge he didn’t have and that were necessary for him to maximize profitability. I had to tutor him, I had to comfort and befriend him. I took care of his family, I bought his mother a house during draft prep. I put my neck out on the line for him time and time again. I represented his name in a false accusation of a stripper he engaged in sexual congress with and I never so much as complained once. I did my job and I did it to absolute perfection. From my vantage point, and honestly, from his too, I was worth every Penney.


The Media:
We are in trouble people. Print is dying, radio is in slumber and we struggle to stay current online. Right now all we can do is cater to the manic fan and provide entertainment until we can find out how to lead the way in information. We need to find that curve, but until then, "Shock and awe". We will use TV personalities and people that the fans can relate to. Contrary to the way of the past, where we used to train reporters to be relatively innocuous and we wanted them to be able to relate to the player or the subject, that is no longer important. What wins now are people the viewer can relate to. If the viewer is pissed, hire a fiery guy that will touch them off. If our viewer likes to be jerked off, get a guy with a lotion bottle. Whatever it takes. ESPN came up as a nonstop sports news show. It was like Nightly News with Dan Rather and now it is just an entertainment show with little sideshow tricks, whistles and gimmicks. It hires anchors with flair and in some cases it broadcasts a reality show to hire it’s new hosts – who then fizzle and wind up on the Big Ten network (no offense to my hometown guy Mike Hall – Sorry, I hate Mizzou). You see, sports is more entertainment now than ever before. I recall stories from past generations where men were at war and still just wanted to find out who won the pennant or guys that have been season ticket holders at Notre Dame so long that they remember winning titles. Sports news now is really not a lot different than Hollywood news. The only difference in the two is; sports judges relevancy on rankings and scores while Hollywood goes by box office, or so you would think. Truthfully, we here at ESPN are more like those at TMZ than we would probably like to admit. It really isn’t the ranking or score that runs us, just as box office doesn’t mean dick to TMZ. What really moves the ticker is viewership and website hits. We will run just about anything involving; sex, guns, drugs, suspicious behavior, salacious gossip, or cheating. In fact, they will be headlines. Because they grab attention, and that Advertisers love!

We really are stuck in the middle here, you have to understand, we have fought tooth and nail for years to gain access to clubhouses and coaches during the game and players at halftime (despite that you may have noticed they all say exactly the same things), it still allows are viewer to feel more engaged. Why would a coach or player do these interviews, you might ask? Why would a team open it’s once tightly guarded doors? Because, relationship marketing is the king now. People want to see interaction, they want access, they want to feel empowered. After all the years of neglect they finally have what they've always wanted, and we provide that for them. The league needs a face if it wants to survive in this global economy. The team does too. The coaches and players have it in their contract that they are to speak and answer whatever the media asks them during games. That is why every player says the same thing after the games (Or why Kevin Garnett yelled "Nothing Is Impossible" after winning the NBA title, despite his sponsor Adidas having the slogan "Impossible is NOTHING"). Because you just took a person who is physically drained and emotionally exhausted and dragged their ass out of the shower and told them to answer repetitive questions for the fiscal benefit of everyone involved. The only problem here is that they already got their cut – so what is the motivation to seriously answer any questions, enter apathetic tones and repetitive answers. If only we could negotiate a CPQ (cost per question) we might all be able to get what we want out of this. We tried this method a few years back during the Super Bowl, it worked out fabulously, now every year you get to see a bunch of Hall Of Famers running around pitching anything from bowling shoes to dick medicine.

This is only half of the graph, we have to do all of these things; cater to the viewer, get access from the team, then represent them well in order to maintain that access, all the while not lose any Advertising time. We cannot afford to step on our toes, we can’t afford to lose 30 second slots after timeouts or spend too much time at halftime talking to illiterate ex-sports stars, however the viewers seem to like it so, what should we do? The best way to bridge any gap is play like a pragmatist and find the common factors. For example: Nike is my biggest advertiser. They also happen to be the jersey manufacturer for the teams playing tonight, and the teams biggest young star, happens to be the face of their campaign. Put a call into the Sponsor, team represenative, and agent and before you know it, we are getting paid for a 60 second spot that we didn’t even have to air because we interviewed our new young star in his Nike swingman pullover on the way to the locker room, Nike paid us, the team gave us our access, the viewer got to feel empowered and all the agent wanted was our cameras to pan on him every other time a client/player of his scored a point. I know this sounds like a shallow business, but in actuality it's just the barometer of the viewers intellect and desires.


The Sports fan:
I am from a middle income family, my parents divorced when I was a teenager, I had a pretty good relationship with my dad and most of our good times were spent cheering on his favorite teams. When my parents divorced the games were my sanctuary, I threw myself into sports and my favorite teams. I was never very good at playing any of them, though. I mean I held my own but I didn’t really have the size and coordination skills to make the High School teams. But I sure liked to coach from the stands. I was so interested that my Junior year I became a team manager. It was the best time of my life. I got the chance to work out with the guys and hear the coaches on the sidelines and even though I didn’t get my name called in the gym like they did, I got to stand right next to them in front of the whole school. It was awesome. I would go home and analyze why we would lose or why some of the guys weren’t playing well that night and then go to school to try to explain things to the guys, I never really saw much of a reaction from them, but maybe they just didn’t handle criticism well. Anyways, as the year went on I noticed a lot of people around school knew who I was because I was always with the guys and finally before Homecoming, I decided to ask this girl to the dance with me, figuring I was popular enough to get her. The week before, I went up and asked her in the hall and she didn’t exactly say yes, but didn’t say no either. So I waited and waited and finally the day before the dance I said, “So, what’s the plan?” and she told me last minute she decided to go with my team captain, a guy that already committed to play ball at UT (who had broken up with his girlfriend the night prior). I guess it sort of bothered me because I knew he didn’t care about her the way I did so the next day I said something to him. Before I knew it, I was sitting back in the stands and I never again had much of a relationship with the guys or coach. I got over it I think, but I still do feel it was sort of unfair to me. When I decided on a college, I got waitlisted to my favorite school Texas, but finally settled on my home state school, which in the long run was probably best because it would have been really expensive to go to Texas.

Once I got to college, I joined a frat because they had all the access, they were the sports nuts and the guys like me. We partied hard and we went to nearly every game. Sometimes the players would show up at our parties for a little while and drink with us and stuff. Until one of the guys on the team hooked up with my frat-mates girlfriend, then it was pretty much taboo for the players to come party at our house. Even after that incident, I’m telling you, I lived and died with our teams season, in some ways I still do, even though I really don’t know any of the guys playing for us anymore.

When I got out of college, I really worked hard to find a job but ultimately had to settle on a job that wasn’t nearly the pay I thought I deserved. I liked the job fine but it wasn’t even my major, in fact, it wasn’t even something I had EVER envisioned myself doing. But all was fine once Monday came around and I got to watch the ball games and forget about everything that was bothering me. When I had the money, I would try to get tickets and go to some of the games and just like I did in high school I would analyze the players and the game and I just couldn’t understand why these guys didn’t look like they were committed out there. I mean, if it were me, I would be playing my ass off to be out there. I would give anything for a chance to be out there. I just didn’t have the talent they had, that’s all I was missing. Because I certainly had the spirit and knowledge of the game!

As I got older, I eventually married my live-in-girlfriend and we started a family, living the dream as they say. While I had less time to devote to my teams because of household chores and work and everything, I still loved my Sunday on the sofa watching my team. It was my solace. The thing is though; life can get pretty boring, I mean, I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t happy really, either. I didn’t have my dream job, my dream car or even a house that was that great. I love my wife, but she really isn’t that attentive to me anymore. Actually, come to think of it, she never really was. I try to teach my son the sports I love, I just bought him the jersey of our towns biggest star and I try to make him a better player than I was. Can you imagine if my son made it to the big time? That would be a dream come true!

The only real fun I get anymore is when I step out for some drinks at the local watering hole during the game. I love to see my favorite players out there and listen to their take on game. My buddies and I will argue for hours over what they did or didn’t do. I feel alive again, something I rarely feel anymore. Just like a little kid, I analyze the games and try to imagine what I would do if I were out there. I wonder if my son does the same thing?


Epilogue:
The American sports fan feels a sense of entitlement similar to the athlete. The athlete has been given everything and feels entitled to take anything he wants, similarly the fan gave everything and now feels entitled to judge. The middle man in all of this is the Corporation who feels entitled to collect, and keep collecting. The player gets all the blame and yet he has little to do with what was presented. Sure, he can be Ben Roethlisberger and be a complete scumbag, or he can be Tiger Woods and rail anything off the Perkins menu, but ultimately, Tiger was just being Tiger and Ben was just being ole' mullet Ben. The fool here was you, the fan. You bought, and re-bought what they were selling you. Tiger Woods just did what he and Nike thought would make him most marketable/profitable. If the viewership told Nike they wanted to see their golf star to punt a baby, he would and again, they would collect.

The player always had the privilege and the fan always gave it to him. Often the player didn’t ask but received it just the same. How is a 20 year old relatively uneducated person supposed to understand the social contract they have engaged in by sharing drinks at your frat house? How was he supposed to know this exchanged entitled you to judge and taunt him on the field? Or criticize him off of it.

What the fan wants is what they don’t have, what the player has. The power. The privilege that has always alluded them. The media knows this, they know it better than the player and the fan. They use it. They abuse it. They provide the fan with the limited access and the opportunity to build up and breakdown a player or celebrity by blogging, tweeting, or commenting on stories, and boasting the ratings by tuning in or tuning out. The fan moves the ratings and as go the ratings go the dollars.

In a completely metaphorical sense, the fan gets to create his own hero, his own player. The media empowers them with this, then allows (and profits from) the fan tearing their hero down. The fan then feels entitled to a public display of humility and apology so they can grant this player redemption (The last desperate grab for power in this social exchange). This is a way for Average Joe to finally attain this power that he has so long coveted. Meanwhile the player keeps on being who he was when this all began, just a guy trying to get paid.

The humor of all of this is; that in the end it becomes clear that it was all bullshit to begin with. The player’s persona was created to move product. The Fan’s access was created by the media in exchange for their own access. The sponsors drive the process and feed off of the fans interest. As long as the hot streak continues, so does the coverage of their player, once his production ceases or the fan decides they want to tear him down to satisfy their need for perceived power, the media responds with a form letter of an apology and public displays of humility and regret from the player or if the player has done something reprehensible, the sponsor simply cuts ties and moves onto "the next big thing".

In life, you have your work-horse and your show-pony, the key is to know when to bet on which.

Seriously, What is the point?

Preface:
I am sick of reading articles and blogs about people being surprised or progressive in their approach to marriage & family. It is just stupid and nothing more than a rationalization for human error.

Source:
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Moving-Out-But-Staying-Married?cnn=yes

(bias version)Synopsis:
A greedy and very possibly mildly retarded woman wishes to after 23 years of marriage and what appears to be no real warning, completely restructure her marriage and it would seem as though this restructuring is 100% under her control and the "or else" is divorce. She is reneging on her contract as I see it (and while he may have fucked up too on occasion during their marriage - nobody communicated that so unfortunately, those infractions don't really count). She also appears to believe that because their child has turned 21 that the sense of family is no longer important so dissolving it shouldn't be any concern.

(Unbiased) Synopsis:
She didn't want a divorce, just her own bed, her own room, a new key to her old self. It was a risky decision, one that could potentially undo her marriage—or deepen it. Jean Morgan steps off the traditional path—and finds a surprising number of women headed in the same direction.

In the interest of full disclosure, just reading the “unbiased synopsis” is making me literally twitch uncontrollably with uninhibited rage.

I:
What is the point of getting married? I mean seriously, why not just stay single and “free”, you can keep your fucking room and key to yourself. Because as it is you’re basically just saying “Gosh, things would be great if I could do anything I want without the concern of others – but I want to concern others too.” No shit. Wouldn’t life just be grand if we could all just do whatever we wanted all the time. I also love how you introduce this by listing all your complaints about your husband (and don’t get me wrong, I am sure he is a piece of useless garbage – most people are) but, I am also sure he hates nearly everything about you AND to your point that marriage wasn’t what you thought it would be? Um, tough shit, deal with it. Obviously, you’re pretty stupid. Because marriage isn’t really all that complicated. Think of a good friend you decided to room with in college – now make “her” a him – all of “her” negative attributes will only become bigger and more masculine in nature. Now add a period of about 15 years of moderate to regular sex with this person – a period of which no mortal can successfully hide all of their many perversions – therefore, you will eventually both have to face the fact you hid some secret pleasure and thus address it. Things will be temporarily awkward or irreparably awkward or you both become swingers and it’s clear you were both sexually dysfunctional. Enter children (1 or many), enter financial strains both based on children and on either you or your husband’s desire for expensive hobbies to take your mind off of how annoying the other person has become. Lastly, add for each of you at least one “gotcha” moment where either he finds out in college or high school you slept with half the class or you find out 5 days before your wedding he gave your bridesmaid the time of her life. Just accept it, because this moment will come up. It may not be as clear or sexually motivated as these examples but it will nonetheless be a moment of massive consequence. What I have just briefly outlined is the typical SUCCESSFUL marriage. This doesn’t even address; loyalty, marital infidelity, lying, sloth, addiction, etc.

II:
The reason that I didn’t bother addressing those issues is because they are your problem. I have learned throughout my life that nearly every time I instinctively feel the need to place blame on someone for a negative outcome, that blame should fall squarely on my own shoulders. For example, you find out your wife is a drunk or addicted to pain killers, her fault or your fault? Answer is, your fault. She is a piece of drug addicted trash and you got fooled by her. How could you have been so obtuse as to not notice her constant “powdering my nose” moments that result in her returning very calm? Or you really couldn’t see her relationship with alcohol was unnatural and rather bothersome? Really? You didn’t notice her fun was unbreakably linked to drinking or shots or “girls night” (which is the most ridiculous and abused excuse for debauchery I have ever encountered). If you married a person with priors, you got what you deserved. As they say “scratch a thief, find a liar” and that couldn’t be more true. People are exactly what their record tells you they are. Most would like you not to recognize this, in fact we spend a lot of money and time covering these blemishes up but unfortunately for you – you are exactly what your history says you are. In most cases it says you are; unintelligent, irrational, dishonest, a poor decision maker, selfish and completely unaccountable. So, if you end up married to a person and 23 years down the road you say to me “It wasn’t what I thought” I would have to tell you, that is too bad – you gave your word and your oath and while you haven’t maintained anything else over your lifespan perhaps preserving your word might be the last honorable thing you could do.

Alas, it isn’t possible for you to do. So you just rationalize all of your poor decisions and your mistakes (which perhaps are derived from my own poor decision making, but the simple fact that you married me without fully investigating what a cluster fuck of a human I actually am – they now become your mistakes :) then you begin to find a way to back out of your promises and your oaths to ‘for better or for worse, in sickness and in health’ be a wife. You begin to push him out the door by telling him “I need space”, “ I want my own room”, “it’s for us”. Really? Because from my vantage point it really appears it’s for “you”.

III:
Once you enter children I begin to really get pissed off (and not for the reasons one might think). I am not particularly compassionate and I really don’t like children unless they look and sound like me (So yeah, I am egotistical, tough shit). I am not thinking for the best interest of the children exactly, I am more thinking of the consequences of adding yet another mental delinquent into this complete pooch-screw of a society we live in. Yet another relationship-dysfunctional individual who will grow up utterly self-absorbed (yes, I see the hypocrisy in my statement), mental midget with a laundry list of excuses for why they make mistakes (my favorite being you live and learn…).

I am a person who very much wants a family and children of my own, so I can relate to your desires to start a family, but just because you want a family doesn’t necessarily mean you deserve a family. Your behavior and disposition would indicate to me that you aren’t “parent material”. You are almost admittedly dysfunctional and filled with insecurities – so if that is universally agreed upon, why do you think you need kids? If your understanding of the needs of a child from the beginning are that you “should try” to hold a family together until they are at least 21, you are a complete disaster and really should just be neutered to circumvent this entire situation.

Epilogue:
See, here is the thing; I seem to have made a fabulous case for one never getting married, and for many, that is probably the best decision. Because they are far too selfish to understand or successfully navigate through a relationship of such magnitude. I look at marriage similar to Professional baseball, making friends is like playing park district baseball – pretty much anyone can do it and while you may not bat 4th you at some point should fit into a slot, maybe last. Your first girlfriend is similar to making the high school team – you find a little success but if you get cut, you’re going to hate everyone involved. In college, you might have a multi-year steady maybe she even moves in – this is like being drafted and getting a shot to play A ball – you get a chance to fulfill some dreams, you experience some new things and get a little warn down from the day-to-day grind, some make it and some don’t – again if you’re cut, hatred towards all. Should you graduate and make the big league club – you are ready for marriage – but you have to work your way to the top and once you’re there, it’s a job to just maintain your skills enough to stay with the club –and again, if you’re cut, you hate everyone. The long lost point of all of this is, you have to move up the levels of relationships as your personal skills advance, if they don’t then you don’t.

If you want to have a marriage you have to maximize yourself first and learn who you are to the nth degree because if you cannot navigate through and accurately diagnose your own problems how in the hell can you take on someone else’s problems too? Short answer is, you can’t. If you want to get married and have children, you need to understand how to read your potential partners and be able to know every single detail about them. Because anything you miss; be it personality defect, mental or physical defect or predispositions, they will inevitably come back to haunt you and by then, it falls onto you.

Your decision to have children should indicate the dedication of your life to create children that are as perfect and functional as possible, that their concerns and failures as well as joys and successes are now your own. That whatever desires you want to fulfill you will now set aside for the betterment of your child. If you don’t feel this way, please do not have any children. Too that point, that exact mindset should be put to use when thinking of one’s marriage. If you aren’t willing to put personal agenda aside for the betterment of two or for the best overall direction of the family, please, stay single. If you get married and waves begin to rock the boat – don’t leave them unaddressed, say something because 10 years down the line – being fed up and wanting to abruptly jump ship or change direction will be completely unacceptable and completely your own fault.

General message: You have to be thinking constantly – if you are not, you will fall behind.

Thus, it’s no surprise to me that typically speaking it’s the idiots and dropouts that are already having children (one or more – typically out of wedlock), creating dysfunctional households, and constantly changing partners. That only makes sense, of course – it also is the reason we are currently in such a steep decline as a civilization.

If this offends you, it is probably because it applies to you.

Left, Right, Oh an Upper-cut and He's on The Ropes...

Preface:
It is fairly evident that I am thus far not a huge proponent of President Obama and his Administration. Once I realized the inevitability that he was going to become our next President, I tried my best to pretend he was all he claimed to be. I wanted to give him the best possible chance to becomes something great. As my new President, I owed him that much.

I of course also recognized that the previous Administration(s) made plenty of mistakes that snowballed into a giant cluster-fuck which is now tantamount for this country. I certainly didn't expect President Obama to be able to rectify all of our many issues overnight. I did however expect him to at the very least, implement "change" as he promised. I didn't expect him to begin pushing things that I would be so against that I found myself in a fit of rage when I watched the 'nightly news', which has certainly become the case.

I:
Many people are swift to jump on the “Obama Money” and stimulus packages that have seemingly failed to make an impact. But, I personally, don’t hold that against him, I mean, what was he supposed to do? G.W. Bush initiated a stimulus too. Nobody had any answers as to how to seize control of the spiraling Economy. Naturally, the monies didn’t exactly go where they were supposed to and there seemed to be very little oversight during this process (and of which the responsibilities without question fall into the hands of the leader) but in actuality, what did you expect? It is the American way, we were built on theft, for fucks sake we stole the land we’re living on. There is however the promises of “earmarks” and budgetary oversight that has been hugely disappointing thus far and then of course there is the famed “we will have transparency” guaranty that I heard repeatedly throughout President Obama’s campaign. Those have both been an utter lie and then like a hot potato before he loses his majority he began to try like hell to push through a giant Insurance package that was without question a disaster in the making.

Dear Mr. Obama,

I am sorry that I do not feel the desire nor the inclination to support those who don’t earn their keep. I feel no obligation to support those who do not at least show the effort. I have said many times, I would be willing to assist in the payments or responsibilities of those less fortunate than myself (Etc. mentally or physically handicapped or Veterans), but I guess it has come the time to define “Those less fortunate”.

II:
“Those not less fortunate”: Any person no matter what race or origin who lives in the United States of America, that doesn’t actively seek labor, no matter how pathetic the job, doesn’t qualify as “less fortunate”. Any member of the aforementioned that lives on tax stamps for an extended period without utter shame, is not “less fortunate”. Any member who chose to ditch school to do drugs or party or “hustle” is not “less fortunate”. Any member who was born to a family not from the ‘right side of town’ is not “less fortunate”. Unless you were wounded in the military or suffer from a mentally or physically debilitating disease you are not “less fortunate”. This world guaranties you nothing. Rich people die young just like poor people. Rich people have to come to work every day no matter how stressful or no matter what is going on at home, just like poor people. Many people born to impoverished families have gone onto do great things, amass great wealth, but that doesn’t mean you will or should, either. It simply means it can be done if you make the right decisions and show the mental toughness to get what you feel you deserve.

If I have worked my entire life and put aside the money for insurance and then I come down with some major medical problem, I am entitled to the best medical care that can be provided based on the coverage I purchased. If I didn’t work my entire life and squandered most of the opportunities I have been given and I come down with a major medical problem, I am sorry, you fucked up. Pay the piper time. Sorry if that is crass or cold, but the truth is, nothing is free in this world, and it shouldn’t be either. If it was, what would be the incentive to strive to succeed? Work is called work for a reason, it isn’t a hobby. Now you ask me to deduct money from my earnings and possibly sacrifice some of my medical care so that somebody that has earned nothing can step ahead and get treatment? I think not. You don’t work for a living and earn your keep, the best offer I have is a flunky social worker and a comfy cot. After all, you’re a human, you deserve dignity.

After all of that, we still haven’t gotten to the most important oversight on President Obama’s list of “Nobel” accomplishments. For instance, didn’t I hear Guantanamo Bay was closing, I swear they had a for sale sign up last summer? Then there was the Bush Doctrine that the fucking SNL Liberals had so much fun laughing at. Funny thing, President Obama seems to admire that document a little more now that he is sitting at the head of the table. Because unless I am mistaken, it surely seems like he has been following it almost to a T. Weird? But all of this pales in comparison to our National Security and the direction in which President Obama seems to be leading us.

III:
Secretary Hillary Clinton (whom I had respect for): Discussing U.S. priorities, she said:

“We want to reverse the spread of nuclear weapons, prevent their use, and build a world free of their threat. We want to isolate and defeat terrorists and counter violent extremists while reaching out to Muslims around the world. We want to encourage and facilitate the efforts of all parties to pursue and achieve a comprehensive peace in the Middle East. We want to seek global economic recovery and growth by strengthening our own economy, advancing a robust development agenda, expanding trade that is free and fair, and boosting investment that creates decent jobs. We want to combat climate change, increase energy security, and lay the foundation for a prosperous clean-energy future. We want to support and encourage democratic governments that protect the rights and deliver results for their people. And we intend to stand up for human rights everywhere. “

Ahhhh yes, I would also like, some flap jacks, a Billion dollars, and a to live forever…oh sorry, I thought we were just reading off our “If I was granted 3 wishes” lists.

I could not be more upset by what I have (or haven’t) seen by this Administration with regards to Military and Homeland Security. First, with regards to ending the wars we are in, I am fine with that. I never was okay with the Iraq war and with respect to President Obama, he inherited that, but then again, he knew what he was running for, right? I was however for Afghanistan, but clearly like those making the decisions, I didn’t have all the necessary information prior to entering that country. The West will never truly understand the East, specifically the Muslim regions. Be that as it may, we are already at war so it’s time to finish what we started.

I don’t know the military strategies or limitations presented but I do feel that being there is doing nobody any good. I would slowly withdraw our troops, push the sand back against the walls like it was when he showed up and leave a standing message. If we get intel on Osama Bin Laden’s whereabouts, we will be sending a strike team and air-support and level a city block (of sand). I know this seems like it is just letting the Taliban go or allowing Terrorists to continue to formulate and bomb civilians and so forth, but do you honestly believe that the more we shoot up the less they will do? That is just wishful thinking. The war on terror is similar to the war on drugs, it is unwinnable. As long as people have freewill it is unwinnable. Terrorists will do whatever it is they are going to do. You can wish to contain it and do your best to prevent it, but at the end of the day, that’s the best you can do. Withdraw our troops, leave standing orders and a bounty on that ragtops life and move on.

IV:
We have issues with almost all of the Middle East, that will never change. You are dealing with people that are brainwashed and illiterate, forming a very dangerous combination. These people don’t have a pot to piss in (literally), they wipe their asses with their left hand and still migrate for usable water sources. You combine these conditions with a lack of education and a radical religious view built on reproduction and you have an unlimited population of martyrs, not a good enemy to engage. These people cannot be negotiated with, to believe you can talk them down or kill them all or change their ways is completely unrealistic. There will never be peace in the Middle East, not ever. Accept it.

People like Ahmadinejad will always exist and be completely insane, they will always try to level the playing field and bully other nations by trying to form or develop nuclear weapons. It has nothing to do with them wanting to “keep up with the Joneses” it is all about having the ability to bully and enforce tyranny on those with less authority or power. So by disarming our nuclear weapons we just assist in becoming one of those with less power to be bullied. Trust me, by disarming we will not be encouraging others to follow suit.

Our policy should in fact be the opposite. We should be withdrawing from our current wars and spending that money on fortifying our homeland security and replenishing our military stockade. Training our troops properly and supporting our troops that have given so much to our country and are currently being shit on.

It is often said we aren’t like our grandfathers who fought so valiantly in WWII and showed the grit that defined the United States as a world power. Perhaps part of that reason is (outside of the lack of strong parenting and education in this country) that our Government has continually engaged in fruitless wars for personal gain & not righteous rationale. Perhaps if we ceased engaging in wars that have no clearly defined opposition and in fact had a real and necessary outcome we would see that American fiber show through. But when you continually prostitute our American soldiers to personal agendas and morally questionable causes, it can often be difficult to get the best morale on the display.

V:
This is much the result of our foreign policy in recent history. I had really thought President Obama would help us restore our position amongst the world leaders but it so far has been just a miserable display of ineptitude by all parties involved. We continue to believe we can buy our way into the hearts of others (untrue) and that we have pull – listen, when China owns half your debt, you don’t have too much collateral to work with.

I didn’t see the fuss about President Obama bowing and conceding to so many people that in the recent years the United States has scorned or slighted. Perhaps we needed to show a little humility, and we still do, especially to our adversaries. I think our policy should begin to shift from those entitled to those independent. It is no surprise to me that we act this way, after all, it is what our general population acts like too. Everyone thinks they are entitled to everything, it is just disgusting and it shows itself even in the way our Government operates (naturally so, it is a government of the people…for the people).

It is my belief that if we began to withdraw our troops from unnecessary regions or at least limited our presence it would relieve a lot of tension among those who feel we are too haughty. If we as a nation decided enough is enough and made it clear that we will keep our hands to ourselves and begin to work for our living again, we would find much more prosperity and see ourselves much LESS reliant on so many foreign nations. If we produced and relied on domestic product rather than a constant import of goods, labor and energy. If we saved enough money to begin to chip at our debt and we spent money saved from exiting wars and built and properly trained a dominant homeland security infrastructure and began to replenish our depleted military surplus and showed a commitment to the men and women who serve our country we would see a much stronger and prouder nation.

We must make a statement to nations abroad that if they keep out of our business we will show them the same courtesy. Because somewhere along the line we began to believe we were the world watchdog (and thus realized by being the watchdog, we gained access to manipulate lesser countries into assisting in the financing of personal agenda). It isn’t our business what other countries are doing internally. That is what the United Nations was designed for, they are the watch group and we are just a working member of the UN, not the entire UN. We make it clear that we possess a significantly dominant military and that if we are attacked (meanwhile, our strengthened infrastructure should thwart a good majority of attempts) we will act swiftly, we will not stand down. We will hunt the enemy, we will find the enemy and we will kill the enemy. However, if unprovoked, we will not engage in funding others wars or arming “favorites” or assisting oppositions to any civil wars going on abroad. If the United Nations as a whole declares a world threat or problem, we will, in accordance with that doctrine serve our duty. This eliminates useless and costly (monetarily and in human life) wars and in my opinion would greatly reduce the tension and amount of anti Americanism that exists outside of North America.

The answer is never disarm or disassemble. The answer is always strengthen & build.

Epilogue:
I am a firm believer that confidence is the key in everything. I believe people’s confidence goes with their self worth and if you provide nothing and you have nothing you have no confidence. That is not a big revelation, but it is the biggest issue surrounding our country today. Democrats/Liberals to me are nothing more than enablers. They are the social workers of the world, the people that dream big but do little. The reason our country is in such disarray is because our education system is flawed, our voters don’t understand the globalization that has occurred over the past 2 decades, they don’t understand the diplomacy and policy, in fact, I wonder if some of the diplomats understand it? We have rapidly become a nation dependent. Dependent on others, and not on ourselves. That is the key difference between our grandfathers time and our own. They had nothing except what they built. They drove the cars they built, fed from the land they harvested and used the energy they produced. With that comes a sense of pride. There were steel towns, farm towns, & big business towns. People had affiliation with what they did and because of that, they took pride in their place in society, now, people just exist, they often have no drive nor direction, they just expect their parents to care for them, then the government will pick up from there. There is no accountability anymore, there is no reason to be accountable.

Why should we feel the need to self produce if we will be assured of certain life needs? What is the reason to work if we don’t need to in order to be insured? Our public education is free so why not take it for granted? This is the thought process of our current generation and sadly it has made its way to those that represent us in the form of Government. Big Government has become the norm in this country and people have become dependent on it. Well the time has come for people to take a stand and take back their country and what it stands for. This country should above all else represent entrepreneurship and self creation. If people ceased taking handouts and began to earn their share I firmly believe you would find that these once desperate and destitute people would find a new meaning to their lives and with that a confidence and sense of belonging and with their contribution and commitment to self preservation they would see a new found respect shown to them. The key to everything is confidence and I firmly believe that if we do away with “Big Government” and handouts and forced people to go out and earn their existence combined with the strengthening of our military and infrastructure we would once again become a confident and self reliant nation. That self reliance and policy of staying out of other nations private wars and affairs would go a long way in rebuilding our credibility as a world power in addition to allowing the United States of America to re-capture its imagination and ingenuity that once reverentially had us compared to the Roman Empire.

"They" Use The Proverbial "They"

Preface:
While I am aware of how pathetic this may(or may not) make me; I listened to AM radio this morning during my nearly 90 minute commute. Now, that alone isn't a big deal, what is however, was that I took a piece of paper and made a mark for ever person who called into "intelligent-radio" and either used the word "they" in reference to the Government/authority or was just so pathetically stupid that "they" left me with no choice but to generalize them.

Note: A prime example of something that would be said that would instantly leave you categorized (and marginalized) would be;

"It isn't nearly as bad as what THEY put on THE TV and let OUR kids watch."

I:
To help clarify my thought process, I am going to dissect my example given above as to show you just how it is I analyze or perceive peoples thoughts, commentary or beliefs. You will see that I highlighted above three (3) words in bold. I think it is important to break simple sentences down into points of logic. Perhaps this is reading too deeply into a person's message, but in my mind’s eye; I view any statement as something conceived out of logical thought and then expressed in a specific manner to convey a well thought-out message. At least that is how I personally form statements or convey messages (which is not only the reasoning for developing languages among civilized cultures, it's also the way in which communication was meant to be conducted).

Going by this logic, I will either hear the person speak or read their statements then in a way, filter it through my “logical thought processor” which similar to the children’s toy that you fit different shaped blocks into their respective shaped slots, I attempt (key word) to fit different mediums of communication into their respective logically structured message. In this example (which was actually said multiple times on the radio this morning), the communicator chooses to use the word “They” to describe what can only be assumed as a governing body of some kind, then references “The TV” as if the world is watching one gigantic television located in the sky (perhaps that explains some of this), then there is my personal favorite “Our kids” as if her useless spawn is my responsibility. Listen lady, you fell victim to that slow witted- fat fuck of a husband and chose to have a child; “that’s your baggage, you fall behind, you’re on your own”. When I hear a statement like this, I almost immediately discredit it and the person vocalizing it. It is just unimaginable to me that this person can hold any form of education.

II:
The meaning behind the words: (or more appropriately as used in the movie "Wizard of Oz”, The man behind the curtain) People regularly use the word “They” to describe things, specifically things to do with authority or forms of power. It is perhaps the single most identifiable word usage utilized by the mentally inept communicator. “They” did it. “They” allowed this. “They” said this. “They” who asshole? “They” is you fucknuts. If you are so stupid as to not even know who to properly identify, then why in the hell should I even bother hearing the rest of your statement? Simply put, there is no reason to, so I don’t.

People who use words like “The” before naming the subject, like “the TV” or “The Jewels”, listen asshole, it is just television. “'They' allow this message to be shown on television” NOT “the TV”. You went to pick up groceries at Jewel food store. NOT “The Jewels” you incompetent fuck.

“Our children”: No, your children. Take some responsibility you pathetic Cretan. These are your children, not mine, not your neighbors (well maybe your neighbors, but not as far as your husband knows). It isn’t the FCC nor the Whitehouse’s job to censor what YOU allow YOUR children to watch and hear. It is YOUR job. You mean to tell me we have become so stupid and misguided that we can no longer even do the most primal of tasks anymore? Managing your family is something animals do with great success and in the wild they actually have other larger animals preying on them; we just have those guys Chris Hansen pokes fun at in “To Catch A Predator” to worry about. Get your shit together. I go this bonkers on such word usage because I firmly believe that people say things like this because subconsciously (or consciously) they believe it is other people’s responsibility to help them tend to tasks.

It just astonishes me how different I am in my lifestyle than the vast majority. People try like HELL to associate themselves with certain groups or to tag themselves within a certain click of people, even our education process has gone to a group mentality (which just BAFFLES me because while the theory of “two minds is better than one” is practical, it is not rational, because personalities take over and it just becomes a large scale “group think” resulting in the minimizing of ideas and forms of thought). When I was in college (with exception for when I cheated because I had been binge drinking instead of doing my studies), I did everything I could to avoid being placed in group projects for fear that somebody might mistake my groups intelligence (lack of) with my own.

III:
I listened to “intelligent radio” for 90 minutes and throughout the entire show there were 25 callers that I counted. Of 25 callers 19 people communicated their message in this fashion or made an argument that literally was so off subject that one could only surmise they were semi-retarded or were victims of severe head trauma at some point in their lives. Now, like everything else involving people, you have to apply a curve. So, figure 10% of the people had stage fright from being ‘on air’. This leaves you with 17.1 callers just being incompetent (typically people will say ‘how can you quantify people in fractions’ and I believe, very easily. In fact, I think we should do it more often, I think people ought to be measured in fractions of a fully functioning brain. For example, “Christine is 5/8ths of a fully functioning adult”).

If you bestow any merit to the statistics linking IQ to certain types of music (which have concluded that rap/pop attracts itself to the lowest IQ and classical music is generally listened to by an individual of a higher IQ) and it would be fair to assess by using Arbitron ratings systems that stations such as B96, Q101 and WGCI are pulling in the largest audience (it’s valuable to note the B96 morning DJ goes by “Eddie & Jobo” – not guessing it's terribly informative programming); this means that if the majority of listeners (most of which make up the “lower IQ” according to the study) are listening to FM pop music then a small fraction of people are listening to classical radio and then another fraction are listening to their iPod (most of which are listening to pop music), the remaining listeners who have chosen to listen to AM “intelligent-radio” of political subject matter are generally speaking going to have the highest IQ or education level of those tuned into the radio at that given time.

That said, 17.1 (curve applied) out of 25 (or 68.4%) of the listeners with the highest IQ tuned in could not formulate nor communicate a rational thought or statement.

Epilogue:
I understand that my observations aren’t scientific, but I believe through my own experience of working with people from very diverse backgrounds that my findings are probably more accurate than they are ‘not’. I also know that most people would probably think I am weird for even analyzing people’s words to such a degree or interpreting a person’s statement so precisely. Am I wrong for assuming that people mean what they say? I am wrong for measuring people based on their output? If this is the case then we have a serious problem when it comes to how people are measured anymore. I mean, look at it this way; the people who called in, did so willingly, they weren’t called upon, they were passionate enough about the topic that they physically dialed in and put it on the line for the world to hear (and me to judge).

It is no wonder this country is so fucked up anymore. These people are calling and screaming about our politics or governing style and yet these same delinquents are the people responsible for voting for public office. Do you not see a major problem here? Because, I sure am concerned.

Lastly, as I never like to give my perspective without offering at least some advice; you can't improve stupid. You just cannot. Dumb people procreate, introducing even dumber versions of themselves. So there (unfortunately) is no effective way to limit or legislate such activity but what can be done is properly educating people. I think it is fair to say that everyone knew who was going to be sitting outside "Check N' Go" by about 10th grade, so why didn't we stop trying to stuff their limited brain capacity with worthless history and science (all things they will forget before the bell rings) and put them into classes to help access what few attributes they do possess? Because it isn't P.C. that is why. So now, we have people running around with very little common sense, skill, AND knowledge. As I said, you can't fix stupid, but what you can and SHOULD do, is teach to harness it. Teach people no matter how brilliant or how mentally defunct, to think things out before communicating. You can teach that. You can teach a person (and dogs) to follow a script or procedure.

Procedure:
1. Learn your limitations
2. Carry a note pad and pencil (assuming you are literate)
3. Listen clearly, focus on the messages coming in. Focus.
4. Think before you speak.
5. Write down whatever it is you are thinking.
6. Read it over.
7. Re-read it.
8. Say it out loud.
9. Think of an alternative response, in case you're questioned.
10. Repeat steps 4 -8.
11. carefully and slowly, deliver your message.

This will not guaranty you abstain from idiocy, but it certainly will serve as a preventative maintenance to if nothing else help make your stupidity appear carefully created.

This was just stupid, so I wrote about it.

Article: "Should boyfriend be your bestfriend?"

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/01/19/tf.boyfriend.is.best.friend/index.html

Preface:
The general point of this article is that the author is trying to determine whether it is; (a) healthy (b) necessary and (c) rational practice to unify the “Departments of Friendship” & “Department of Partner”. The rationale given for this debate is that she hasn’t many close friends for a variety of reasons and she wonders what the risks are in putting all of those chips into one pot. As is to be expected, I find this logic to be broken and delinquent of rational thought.

I:
Her initial questions appears to be; asking herself whether or not it is healthy to have her boyfriend also share the role of best friend. She presents a handful of points that I felt lacked common sense, but then really showed her intellectual ineptitude by quoting "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" by saying “My boyfriend is a friend to whom I want to do things I don't want to do to my other friends”. Honestly, I have never read any such book, but if this is an indication as to the book’s theme, I am glad that I have not. That is absolutely nonsensical to me.

Perhaps I am wrong here, but I was under the assumption that part of the reason your bond with your significant other was supposed to be so strong (so strong as to wed them) was because you shared both an intimate mental AND physical connection. Is this not correct any longer? Also, are we now taking advice from street hookers? If so, things are beginning to make much more sense to me. The idea that being best friend/confidant to your partner actually now detracts from your attraction to them is so irrational to me that I cannot even adequately formulate my words here.

Your entire purpose during your pursuit to find a life partner is in fact to find a “best friend” whom you find attractive and form a loyal and honest union. If you are looking for both a cocksman and a good listener, perhaps you aren’t really “marriage material”. So to answer the question of whether or not the practice of unifying best friend with boyfriend is healthy or not? Um, it was actually supposed to be the whole reason you commenced the “life partner” search to begin with. You’re an idiot and I feel horrible for the mess your boyfriend has walked into.

II:
Is it necessary to have your boyfriend also be your best friend? Um, let’s put it this way; it is more so necessary to have that, than to have additional friends. Is it nice to have a change of scenery? Certainly it is, healthy too. Do they need to be your best friend in order to go out & about with them? No. Can you only get sushi with your most committed friends? No. Sushi is pretty tolerant with regards to those that it allows to eat it.

To be completely honest; if I were your boyfriend and I knew you were leaving with friends to discuss the issues or conversations that took place within our relationship, I would probably find you bordering on disloyal and likely already be planning my escape route. This notion that it is OK to call your girly friends or gay-boy friend or God forbid “my guy friends” to discuss things pertaining to me and my feelings towards you is so ridiculously unacceptable that I find it difficult to pallet. I don’t leave the house with my boys to talk about how I feel about you, I talk about sports and the ass on the waitress (and yes, I just said that, because I’m honest about it. I assume you check out meatheads). We don’t talk about my relationship because it’s none of their fucking business. Additionally, just because I pound beers with the guy or go to games with the guy doesn’t mean I give a shit about him. Do I like him? Sure, he is entertaining enough. Do I trust him? Not particularly. Do I give a shit what he thinks? Not at all.

Of course I have friends that I do semi trust or care about, but would that outweigh those similar feelings and loyalty to my partner, not a chance and I would only expect the same in return. If my friends feel slighted by it, tough shit. Feel free to find a replacement friend. Another thing, you don’t have to have JUST ONE trusted friend, you can choose to make friends with multiple people who are likeminded. My natural advice to you is be careful with how much of yourself you put out there, but that’s your choice.

To me it makes perfect sense that you have a handful of “good friends” (meaning: sure they aren’t perfect, but they bring some entertaining value to the table and on occasion they are insightful or well intentioned. Naturally, I tell them only what I want them to know about me and about my problems in order to obtain a general consensus on what they think is best for me, and they do so without actually having damaging info about me, also, this allows me to take into account whether I even value their opinion to begin with) then have my partner, my wife, the person with whom I have screened and exchanged enough damaging information to feel secure in knowing it will be kept confidential because if either one of us squeaks we are both royally fucked, also there is that inherent trust once you have seen the other person naked, sort of a security deposit of sorts.

III:
By now the question of whether or not this is a rational practice should have been made pretty clear. It is utterly IRRATIONAL to NOT unify the titles. The simple fact is, you should have been searching amongst your friends equally as you searched for a partner. I mean, not to sound too shallow, but who purposely forges friendships with ugly people to begin with. I mean, obviously a few slip through the cracks because of commonalities, but typically speaking, I wouldn’t walk up to some warpo and be like; “hey, wanna watch the ballgame?” or court some absolute disaster of a girl around long enough to become good friends. Would I purposefully befriend ugly people? Unlikely. Is it shallow? Completely.

What I would do, is meet people that I thought looked, dressed and acted similar to me, if they are men, I tend to bond with them as sports fans or people that also hate Ed Hardy shirt wearers. If they are female, once I have determined I am attracted to them, I tip toe around them for a little while and try to gather some intelligence on her and her past, then I begin to formulate a friendship with her (in the hopes it grows into something more). If I am lucky, I will get my shot at the title and I will seize it. End result being, that I just became romantically involved with a friend who will become my best friend, thus allowing me to withdraw slightly from the inner circle and consolidate my efforts.

Going out with people that are not “friends” or similar to friends is exactly how you became the girl that says “I have such bad luck with men”. That is because you clearly haven’t figured yourself out nor come to terms with your limitations. Therefore, you continue to ignore the likeminded people in your life and opt for a prick that you “lust for” because he is so “what you perceive yourself to be” which is in actuality, incorrect. Naturally, he has shit for brains and the worst of intentions for you, thus forcing you to look elsewhere for companionship and or true friendship.

Decision making grade: F

Epilogue:
All things considered, at any age above about 17 to be asking this question or not understanding fully what it is you are supposed to be searching for is rather pathetic and if I were you, I’d be pretty self conscious about it. The bottom line here is that your partner and your best friend are supposed to be one and the same, and if you want any chance at a successful relationship it would be ideal that the best friend part comes first.

The last part of this article that I have yet to touch upon is her concern for what should happen if they broke up or he “were to be (God forbid) hit by a Walmart 18-wheeler” because she would be isolated. Yes that would suck, for him, and momentarily for you as well. All that you really have to do is become a grown up, you simply clean up and initiate conversations with people you otherwise don’t interact with when you frequent your regular stops (e.g. Library, church, gym, bar, work, etc.). Actually, come to think of it, he doesn’t have to die in order for you to learn to be a functioning grown up. Because your friends are no longer close by, doesn’t mean you can’t pick up some new ones, there are a LOT of people roaming around (most of which are lonely and very self-conscious). It should be relatively easy to re-fill the roster. If your boyfriend is still a living member of Earth, than it’s really simple because all you need are similar people to befriend so you have a place to go on a Thursday night after work. If however, your boyfriend is deceased, then you are just going for broke, also pretty simple stuff. You just approach the people at your regular hangouts (if you have no hangouts, get some) and now you EVEN have one hell of an “ice-breaker” story (My boyfriend got ran over by an 18-wheeler…).

Are parents teaching their children anything at all in regards to human interaction and their societal responsibilities?

This is really not difficult stuff and yet somehow, people STILL cannot figure out what the fuck it is they are supposed to be doing with themselves.

Harry Reid: The Racist?

Preface:
Reid (D-Nev.) should vacate his office after acknowledging that he had described then-Sen. Obama as "light-skinned" and possessing "no Negro dialect" in a private conversation with two reporters. Says Republican Steele

I:
I categorize myself as neither a Republican nor a Democrat. I think the two-party system is outdated and I think those that formulate their opinions or swing their votes in accordance to their party specifically, are foolish and outdated as well. If I had to categorize myself politically, I would say; I am conservative fiscally and environmentally, moderate on values and liberal on people having the right to do whatever the fuck it is they want to do, just as long as they earn a paycheck that will cover it.

II: Harry Reid
Saying in public or saying in private a man's true feelings regarding another man's run for a public office is something that shouldn't demand an apology. Just because the man is biracial or just one race that is considered a minority, doesn't necessarily mean you have to guard everything you say. If you believe (and I do agree) that President Obama played his white cards to the white powers that be and put his metaphorical Lugz on when he visited his primarily black neighborhoods, then by all means say so.

It was an unfortunate time in our nation’s history when blacks were referred to and treated as "Negro's" but it is in fact our history. When making reference to something be it conversation or a point of fact, using the term "negro dialect" is no more or less meaningful than "black dialect", "Afro-American dialect", "Jive" or whatever else you want to call it. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less.

As for his lighter skin having a positive influence on his status, is this really even debatable? No. It isn't. Because no matter how ugly the point is, no matter how hard it is to hear it, from a rich white politician no less, it is a historical and sociological fact that people respond favorably to lighter skin tones. Even black people of both 1st generation American origin or African origin have struggles within their own community because of how dark their skin tone is. So, you are going to try and pretend that this wasn't helpful for a person who was vying to be the FIRST black President of the United States? Are you in denial? It was a HUGE benefit (I would not say that had he been darker he wouldn't have been elected at all, that is an unanswerable question). It is without any doubt whatsoever that I believe his skin tone was a benefit in his historical campaign.

To then oust a man because he said two things (while socially not the most acceptable) that are almost undisputedly true, is just complete lunacy. We cry for transparency and honesty among our political figures and other public figures, then we formulate ridiculously delusional public norms and irrational political correctness for them to follow (which in order to "follow" they must lie to and deceive you).

Certainly, there must be a line that is followed as it isn't acceptable to say inflammatory things to people especially regarding race or other "hot topics" and I believe no matter how ridiculous, the Office of President should be respected enough as to not be insulted (note: different than constructive criticism) openly – Note: President Obama wasn't President when these statements were said.

III: President Barack Obama
Barack Obama is in my opinion a typical Chicago Politician. I think he is learning on the job, and while mightily intelligent, his debts and personal agenda far outweigh his "Presidential goals". It is pretty clear that I didn't vote for President Obama; not because of race, ethnicity nor party, but because I viewed him as a highly (questionably) decorated carpetbagger. I wasn't buying his magic elixir then and I still am not. I will admit his speeches fired me up, his energy was intoxicating and his message (while completely unrealistic and utopian) was a welcomed change after 8 years of relatively primal behavior.

However, you have to look further than just the well packaged message being sold by President Obama. You have the obligation to look at his upbringing, his family, his wife and her views and past behavior (naturally taking it with a grain of salt because we all have made statements or decisions in our past that are probably less than savory). I have to look at those religious, political or simply criminal characters President Obama has dealt with and often still deals with.

You add the simple fact that his background was in drumming up voters (no matter how cracked out, old or uneducated they are). It isn't a surprise he would be able to utilize this well honed skill-set along with his charisma and the natural propensity for idiot collegians and Liberal-minded (fancy terminology for foolish dreamers) youth to lean Democratically. He catered to the right crowd. He said all the right things to the right people at the right times. Was there a better time for a Democratic "We Want Change" slogan than after 8 years of Bush and an arrogant Republican Administration? Seeing as the entire Government is Democrat today, I would venture to say, no. There wasn't a better time. President Obama said all the right things to the right people in the right tone of voice. That is what a great pitchman does. He caters to the crowd that is listening. Honestly, who can contest with a Columbia & Harvard educated, biracial, charismatic speaker whom white America can so easily relate to, who also just happens to enjoy throwing on a Tar Heel jersey and firing up a heater? He is from a marketing perspective, the political arena's Michael Jordan, only he never did win any of the legitimizing rings...


If President Obama, becomes all he claims to be and comes through on many of his promises, I will be the first to stand up and applaud him. I will do so not with embarrassment but with pride. That said, just imagine how many “Shamwow’s" President Obama could have sold.

Mr. Carpetbagger: "This is it... one dollar a bottle. It works wonders on wounds. Works wonders on just about anything!"

Epilogue:
From reading this it is pretty evident where I stand on this situation and on our President (at this stage of his Presidential term). In actuality, this situation and subsequent coverage touched a nerve with me for two reasons, none of which related to President Obama nor Harry Reid.

First, the fact that Republicans are jumping all over this as though this is their time to shine and get some favorable coverage just feels cheap. It's sort of like starting a fight when you're out to dinner with your girlfriend/date because if you don't do something, you fear she won't believe you're a man (something, I regrettably fall prey to often). It is stupid, unbecoming and makes you appear small. I am however a mere mortal, I am no political powerhouse, so it makes sense for me to fall victim to such primal instincts, but the entire Republican party? It is just pathetic and sad. The behavior that should be shown is very similar to Walter Payton's reaction to scoring touchdowns in the NFL, he simply handed the ball to the Ref and acted like he had been there before. This is much more intimidating behavior than all the hysterics you see guys do now. Same exact thing in the political arena. Just because an opportunity arises where you can make a stink, take sides, and try to nab some TV time with that stuttering alter kacker Larry King doesn't exactly mean you should.

Act like you've been there before.

The second, and more infuriating piece to this socio-political puzzle is our stance in America on political correctness - more specifically, race relations & public figures' private behavior.

Obviously completely off topic; the recent Tiger Woods fallout (as the headlines have it dubbed). Fallout? Who fell? I didn't fall. Did you? Possibly. Tiger Woods, likes sex, a lot. A whole lot. He isn't even real choosy with his picks-to-click. Interesting to know, unfortunate for his children and wife, but not really my business, nor my interest. I like Tiger and buy products he endorsed on occasion because I think he is a hell of a competitor. I like that when he wins he shows his emotions and that I can relate to. Not because I thought; "Tiger is faithful to his family, ergo, I want his Tigerade". The exact same can be sad for political figures. Sure if they run on family values, then turn out to be sleeping with everyone but their wife, I might change my vote, not because the guy likes to fuck, but because he is a liar. If he doesn't run a "family first" campaign, then like every other person of great wealth, power, and access; I assume he has a affinity for strange and likely obliges himself often. Again, not my business, nor my concern. Can you lead or govern effectively, that is my sole concern.

This dumps off into the world of P.C. where the natural responses are "what about my kids"? I raise my kids, not Milorad Blagojevich. So I am not terribly concerned with what he does and what they see of him. Political correctness has taken our society by storm, we guard every fucking word that comes out of our mouths, we judge and label every single thing a person says on a public forum then hold it to this ridiculous code that behind closed doors almost NOBODY follows. People act like a celeb who cheated is the devil, yet they cheat on their own spouse. They act like politicians of a different religious faith are blasphemous then go out and degrade people and cut them off in the church parking lot. People are so flawed and pathetic that the only way for them to feel in control is to watch and provide commentary on the behavior of those in the public forum. Only to allow them to re-enter once they have shown some humility in order to make ourselves feel righteous and powerful.

Act like you've been there before.

Saving the most pertinent for last, "Race Relations". What does it say about us that we have a term for dealing with people of another race today? This goes both ways too, the fact that if a white man says ANYTHING that can be construed as positive or negative regarding a man of African American decent based on racial motivation, it becomes an over-the-top issue of discussion for Al Sharpton or Rev. Jesse Jackson (who are incredible hypocrites and men of little to no loyalty and moral fortitude -- by the way). To me that is just completely pathetic and becoming annoying to the point of exhaustion. Likewise, for those white people running around saying minorities get all the advantages, tax money or college tuition grants and whatever else. You want to go to college? you want to get in? Don't be a dipshit, do your homework and you will go wherever your mental aptitude will permit. Simple as that.

Act like you've been there before.

We have gotten so touchy about race now that simply implying that a decision or thought is racially motivated becomes a HUGE ordeal involving officials and apologies and contrite behavior all the while, a good portion of those people will go home and laugh at a race joke or are closet racists. I no longer concern myself with what people think about race (black, white or indigo). I have no problems with any particular skin color. I hate everyone equally. I think some races have stupid, irrational cultural tendencies just as I think many of my own cultural customs are utterly nonsensical. People need to get over themselves and realize their mortality. Idiots need to start recognizing they are stupid. People need to start tending to their own affairs and use just a little common sense when it comes to who you vote for. I would settle on even the slightest amount of accountability being shown & everybody needs to understand that accumulating a mass of wealth is not likely the most important thing in your life, you cannot keep it when you die, you do know that, right?

Act like you've been there before.

Ridculousness

Preface:
The following is an excerpt from a cnn.com posted article. I regrettably read the entire piece but will subject you to only the first portion.

"Get outta my head, lady! That is totally my dating dilemma -- being forced to choose between bad and worse. Being experienced enough to know that there are no guarantees, it only makes it easier for me to choose the path of least resistance ... go with the moment and throw away the future. But in the end, the moment passes and the empty future lurks ahead.

Cary does offer an alternative option, and I'm not so sure it sounds very fun to me -- say goodbye to your single life. Cary writes:

"How do you become ready to move from one stage of life to the next? It helps to openly admit that it's going to be sad to leave this stage of life you've enjoyed so much ... Give away what you have been withholding and withhold what you've been giving away. It means get real. Tell him you want a man to fall in love with and stay with, and if that's a problem for him then OK there are plenty of chicks ... because if you want a lifetime relationship it will be full of honesty and vulnerability and pain."

I:
Somewhat unrelated to this article; I am often entertained when I listen to people stutter on about their lives, however unhappy or confused they claim to be. I can sit and listen to people go on about their troubles for hours, in a not-so-nice way, I find it comical.

I especially find talks about relationships or life stages to be the most rewarding (in a comedic sense). This article was no different, while slightly frustrating for me as a single guy to know this is what I have to choose from, I still managed to extract some much needed laughter from it. The real bonus of this article was the mixture of life stages AND "finding love".

II:
I've broken this article up into three (3) parts, I find once it's in manageable pieces (of shit) it is even more fun to laugh at. The first theme mentioned here is the idea of a "single life" vs. "relationship life" which by its nature would lead you to believe the two are different existences entirely. This struck me as a glaring example of why people fail at both relationships and life. That reason is; stupidity and lack of common sense. "Mourn your single life first" is what the author says. Really? mourn it? What in the hell good does this do? Answer: none.

This is completely nonsensical in both behavior and theory. Reasoning here is simple, people can't and don't change. They don't, trust me. All they can do is displace or suppress. Both of which are short term answers and will eventually manifest themselves again (most likely at the worst possible time). To act one way under the heading "single life" then to figure, when I meet "the one", I will just adjust my behavior and norms to conform to a more organized lifestyle is so ridiculous and irrational that it begs questioning your sanity and intelligence.

I will never understand those who set a time frame for marriage or those who must "explore" before settling down. What the hell is there to explore? You want to see some places, good deal. Book a flight. You want to get laid in an airplane, buy a trick and go fly around the city.

"I really need to experience seeing other people before I settle down"

This is utterly stupid too. So you want to add to the already certain drama and complexity of merging lives with another human? Here is the deal, If I want all of these things before I meet "the one" I can do it in no less than 15 days. It takes 10 days to train travel across Europe, so I book a Monday flight and I go from hostel to hostel meeting all sorts of people, to be sure I have missed nothing, I take photographs of the notable folks. On my way back to the states I rent a hooker and satisfy my very weird airplane fetish (which by the way, is strange. Fetishes in general are warped and pathetic to me). Once I have touched down in the USA I have five (5) days to review my photos and write down memories I want to acknowledge. Okay, now it's time to find "the one", right?

Yes, it really is this simple and easy to satisfy needs.

III: "Finding Love"
This portion of the article was really just sort of like watching an old cat trying to capture a quick mouse, she just never really had a chance. That said, The definition of "Love" sort of baffles me anyways, I mean, great admiration or lust, that I can figure, but love? Not so much. I will admit I am weird in the fact I truly believe that "blood is thicker than water" and therefore would say the closest thing to love is that shared bond of blood. But, anything else is just a matter of high levels of admiration or fixation on another, fully replicable. So naturally, the notion of "finding love" or adapting yourself to be "ready" for love is just comical to me. Finding love makes it seem like you were just digging through your garbage bin and found some love in there and by adapting for it, do you just mean temporarily concealing your massive insecurities and shortcomings? I'll take your silence to mean, yes.

This is the part I really struggle with, the mentioning of "leaving a life I so enjoyed to find love". If you so enjoyed whoring around and boozing without consequence, why are you leaving it? Your leaving it to find love has accomplished nothing aside from likely beginning the demise of an otherwise innocent and unknowing person. Obviously, you are a self indulgent person to begin with so why abandon your natural instincts? The only outcome for leaving and thus Mourning your single life" is that you will meet someone who actually has good intentions and fooling them into believing you are a well organized person with little to no baggage, only to find out that you actually are a liar with numerous insecurities and more baggage then a Japanese tourist. Subsequently, this person realizes their mistakes (probably too late) and their life at least in the short term is completely ruined. Please spare me of your "finding love".

IV: "Life Stages"
This possibly manifested itself during the education process, for every accomplishment we received a star or some sort of medal then when we moved onto a new level we received a piece of paper signed by someone we couldn't pick out of a lineup. Well, in actuality, there are no stages in life. That isn't entirely true, there are two; birth and death. The rest is just the process.

I understand it sounds like I take the fun out of life but really I am not, I am merely trying to simplify things. I just cannot stand listening to people drone on any longer about their "next stage in life" because it is completely fictitious. The next stage will be the same as the last stage just with a different cast of idiots, it's as simple as that. You start school as a child in the hopes of being systematically educated in order to become a productive member of society. For some it takes, others it doesn't. The education process tends to break into tiers after high school, those who have found their relative roles follow the appropriate path, those who don't float around for a while. Now at any point here you can choose to "find love" or remain single, my only advice would be, don't take the final when you have only read the first few chapters. Meaning, if you are 20 and have met very few people or spent time with just one other person it is probably not in your best interest to marry the first one out the gate. However, if you have been around and experienced a good variety of people and their accompanying stupidity then perhaps you are educated enough to make a good selection. (Note: Nowhere here do I say love. I said a good selection. Meaning, somebody that will help balance your life and whom you can provide balance for as well. It is assumed that you already are attracted to this person physically or mentally, or both - or they are independently wealthy)

Epilogue:
I honestly feel that by creating stages you just add to the pressure in life. By creating fictitious deadlines and goals you are setting yourself up for failure and its subsequent period of depression. Spend the first part of your education learning what you are capable of and what is out there, the next phase of education building yourself or fortifying yourself - depending on how far along you are. Then get out of school and begin to try and dig a nice foothold in your world. Shortly after this you are probably ready to start scanning others for compatibility. If in fact a family is what you desire in life. If you don't know or don't care to have a committed family and eternal obligations, then just go around doing whatever you want. You're entitled to that much for your efforts.

I mean for me it is pretty simple stuff. Sometimes not so simple to carry out, but in theory, it is relatively simple math. I decided what I will and wont stand for with regards to people and treatment. I concluded that I can live my life as if it were going along a slide rule. "If this occurs, my reaction will be..." or "should a person do or say this to me, my level of tolerance will be...etc." and then win or lose, I follow it. I am a person who desires a traditional family lifestyle and so when I see or meet a person I think has a specific skillset or offering who I find attractive I go for broke. I don't sit back and wait on it. Does it work all the time? No, it surely doesn't. In fact, it hasn't worked yet.